1.Use A Formal, Polite and Compliant Approach.

If you haven’t met a Dominatrix, you won’t know her style. Her approach could be friendly and casual or strict and domineering. By using a respectful tone, you cover all bases. All Dommes like to be treated with respect. Do you want her to feel strong and powerful when she reads your message? Then show your humbleness, politeness and submission with your words. That way you provide a good impression.

                2.Avoid obscene language.

Would you say the “F” word to your doctor or in a business meeting or even more, if you met one of the royals? Of course not. Use the same attitude here. Mistress may eventually do very naughty things to you in the dungeon, but the first contact should be like an interview. Be on your best behavior.

               3.Avoid long emails, be precise.

Us domes tend to get dozens of emails on a daily basis. This means we’re busy, so don’t waste our time with the story of your life in the first email you ever send.  Why are you contacting Mistress? Do you want a session? Do you wish to serve Her? Or are you just offering adoring compliments? Whatever the case, be brief. Entail what you wish to experience using a small amount of words while still being polite and humble of course! It’s not rocket science.

              4.Be Concise and Inclusive.

While it’s good to keep your first message rather short through the contact form provided, omitting important information will only mean Mistress needs to reply with more questions. Not a good start. After reading Mistress’s profile, website and blogs, you may still have questions. That is fine, but put all your questions in one message. Back and forth one liner messaging is so annoying.

A few tips on what you should ALWAYS include in a first message to a Domina:

  •  A few words about yourself and experience (if any)
  • fetish interests and limits. Write a basic short list of what you like/don’t or think you might like (if you’re still new to this) inclusive of the services the Mistress offers.
  • Your Any medical condition that the Domme should be aware of (blood pressure, diabetes,etc)
  • Your request. What do you want? Explain it briefly.

             5. Show you care.

Even if you haven’t met a Mistress before but wish to make yourself noticed. It’s pretty simple. Most Dommes have a wish list shown on her website where you can purchase her a little attention, depending on everyone’s financial position.


                6.Don’t Top from the bottom.

In your fantasies, you may like to act like a brat or naughty slave. Or you may enjoy being humiliated and degraded. But these scenarios should be saved for the dungeon only. Being cheeky and annoying in the hope that Mistress will get angry and humiliate you via email is manipulation. Experienced Dommes can recognize these shenanigans from miles away. She might get annoyed, but that will probably backfire in her blocking you, labeling you as a “time waster” and telling all her domme friends to block you too.

               7.Communication is Key.

Even with all these rules, you can still be yourself. Mistresses like obedient, polite and well-spoken subs, but we don’t want robots (maybe in Star Wars). So find a way to show a bit of your personality. What’s special about you? No need to write your life story, but a little bit can go a long way! Be Creative!

To guide you, here is one example of a bad message and How to fix it.


Hey babe/sexy/honey Can we chat sometime? Ur so hot! Your pics make me hard can I be your slave?

Absolutely NOT.


Dear Mistress,

I’m very impressed with your photos and website. You are so stunning and dominant. I live in [city, country]. I’m interested in [fetish list] and would love to serve as your slave [desired time and date]. It would be an honour to hear back from you.

In anticipation,


                8.A Photo of Your Phallus is Not Acceptable.

As much as most males have a fascination with female nudity, the opposite is not true. Most women don’t want to see your manhood before getting to know you. A Mistress will rarely care what your crotch area looks like. Even if your fantasy is “small penis humiliation” it still doesn’t matter. Your private parts should be kept private until Mistress asks to see them (that goes for your bottom as well).

                9.DO Your Homework.

Before asking Mistress a hundred questions, read her website and blogs Properly, repeatedly even. If you want a session, check the services she offers. Your answer may already be there and this will again make your contact with Her more efficient. Also, some mistresses spend a lot of time writing so showing that you’ve the spent time to read what she’s all about is also a sign of respect and genuinely showing interest in a future session with Her.

               10.Language, Grammar & Spelling.

Google Translate is an amazing tool: USE IT!

Most email programs have a spell check. USE IT!

If you did your homework, you will know what language Mistress likes to use for contact. You should be working hard to contact Her, not the other way around.


Thank you for reading,


Mistress Sandra.